


from a thousand threads

by darkdisrepair



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, little Hailey is just cute okay
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-14
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:20:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23650714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/darkdisrepair/pseuds/darkdisrepair
Summary: the unit has to deal with living in a world where science holds extraordinary power when one of their own is caught up in the throes of a sinister experiment.alternatively- a bunch of hardcore cops don't know how to deal with a little kid in the precinct, let alone one of their own detectives who has been turned into one.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton
Comments: 21
Kudos: 83





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> it's a weird dynamic to write little hailey but i thought it would be cute, so here we are :)

A group of children was the last thing Ruzek expected to see when he burst into the dingy basement. They were here trying to find eleven kidnapped girls, and they'd found this place after tracking Hailey's cell phone. 

"Sarge!" Ruzek called. 

Voight hurried down the stairs, followed closely by Jay. "What the hell?" the sergeant muttered, scanning the sea of terrified faces. "Who are these kids? And where are the girls?"

"I don't know."

Jay frowned, stepping a little closer to the kids, who shrunk away from him. "Sarge, some of these faces... they look familiar to me."

"You know them?" Voight sounded surprised. 

Ruzek also got closer. He could see what Jay meant. There was something about these kids that reminded him of people he'd seen before. He tried to remember the kids he'd seen recently, at parks, or at the diner he always went to. 

And then his eyes fell on a tiny blonde girl, who was staring at him with wide, piercing blue eyes, and suddenly he understood.

"They turned them into kids," he said slowly. "These are the girls, Jay. But they're kids."

"That's impossible."

Ruzek edged closer to the blonde girl, who seemed no older than four, and she shrunk away from him, and he heard Jay's sharp inhale as he, too, connected the dots. "It's okay. You're okay," he said, looking her up and down, searching for clues. His eyes landed on her wrist.

Her left wrist.

There was only one person who he knew wore hairties on her left wrist. 

That only confirmed what he had thought when he scanned the room. He counted the heads, and there were twelve kids, twelve girls here. But they were only looking for eleven. Which meant...

"Hailey," Ruzek said, holding out his hand, but she flinched away from him.

She didn't recognize him. 

* * *

The team quickly contacted the families of the other eleven girls. 

They didn't know what to do with Hailey, who didn't seem to know any of them, and was heartbreakingly skittish. Eventually, Jay gave up on trying to convince her to leave the basement himself and called Kim, who had taken the beakers to Med to see if they could find something to reverse the effects of the serum the offenders must have given the girls. 

Kim was only in the house for ten minutes before she came out again, carrying Hailey, who had her face buried in the brunette's jacket. 

Jay couldn't help but keep an eye on the two as they emerged from the building. His partner- could he even use that word, now that she was a _kid-_ seemed so small in Kim's arms. There were some features he could definitely pinpoint as ones he'd seen in adult Hailey.

Her cheeks were maybe a little rounder, her jawline less defined, but her eyes were like a slap in the face to Jay. 

How had Ruzek noticed before him? How many times had he seen those eyes, looking across the desks at him, with a glimmer of amusement in them? They were so, so blue. 

Hailey was staring at him now with those blue eyes, her eyes slightly narrowed as Kim carried her over to where Jay and Adam were trying to call the rest of the families of the girls they'd found. "Hey," Jay greeted gently. "Do you know me?"

She shook her head, her ponytail swishing back and forth. 

"I'm Jay," he said. "What's your name?"

He didn't need to ask. He knew her name. Her name fell from his lips as easily as his own sometimes. 

But he imagined what it would feel like to be a little kid and suddenly meet a ton of people who seemed to know everything about him, without introducing themselves, and guessed that that might me a little unsettling. 

"Hailey," she said finally, without breaking her stare. 

"Hailey, that's a pretty name," he told her, and he wasn't lying. He always thought Hailey's name was beautiful. "Are you alright? Does anything hurt?"

She shook her head again. 

"That's good. We're going to take you to the police station in a little bit," Jay said. "There's a lot of nice people there. We might even have doughnuts for you, and some juice."

She didn't say anything to that.

Kevin joined them then, and he watched Hailey's attention shift from analyzing Jay to analyzing the newcomer. "What's up, my friend?" Kevin said with a bright smile, putting his fist out for a fist bump- a tradition between him and adult Hailey- but instead of returning the motion, this Hailey flinched away, her lower lip starting to tremble. 

"Shit," Kevin cursed, and Ruzek immediately kicked him. "I mean, shoot. I'm sorry, little one."

Kim tried to crack a joke to comfort the little girl, but it was too late. Huge tears were already dripping down her cheeks. But she stayed quiet. There was no screaming, or flailing. She just cried, and cried, and cried, all without making a sound, which made them all feel worse than if she had screamed, because this was all the more heartbreaking to watch.

They shouldn't be surprised, Jay thought. This was how adult Hailey cried, too. 

That didn't mean he liked seeing her so sad and scared. He did not enjoy it one bit. 

"Kim, hand her over," Jay said impulsively, and Kim did. 

He half-expected her to resist, but to his surprise, Hailey let him hold her, even though she didn't relax in his arms. 

"You're okay, Hailey," he said gently, walking away from the unit. "He didn't mean to make you scared. He's like that with everyone. He wants to be your friend. He's very nice, and Kim and Adam too, they just don't know how to act around kids like you."

Hailey didn't meet his gaze. 

"Do you want to go see the dogs? They're very nice."

He saw her brighten a little bit, and started heading toward the patrol officers, who stood at one end of the street, dogs at their feet. "Detective Halstead," one of the officers greeted. "Need an assist with the house?"

"She just wants to meet the dogs," Jay said. "I was hoping that's okay."

"Sure."

Jay knelt down beside the German shepherd so that Hailey was about eye-level with it. He thought she would be a little shy around such a big dog, but she reached out immediately and scratched his ears, moisture still glistening on her cheeks. 

"He likes you," the officer said. "He loves getting his ears rubbed. His name's Uno, by the way."

"Hi, Uno," Hailey said softly, continuing to rub the dog's ears. Her breathing seemed to have calmed down, which was good, and she seemed more at ease now, both around Uno and Jay. 

He let out a sigh of relief.

Disaster averted.

For now, at least. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little hailey is somehow so much more intimidating than big hailey.

When Jay walked into the precinct hand-in-hand with a little girl, Trudy almost did a double-take.

Her first thought was _where did the little gremlin come from?_ Her second thought was _this better not be Jay Halstead's spawn._ Her third thought was _that child looks like a mini-me of Hailey._ Her fourth, most horrifying thought, was _what if this the result of a one-night stand between Halstead and Upton?_

But that was impossible. The kid looked no older than four, and Trudy knew for a fact that Hailey Upton was not pregnant at any point in her career, especially during her time with Intelligence.

Trudy took a closer look at the child, who looked small, but lacked the uber-chubby cheeks that most two year old children often had. She was thin, with wavy white-blonde hair and clear blue eyes, and met Trudy's stare with one of her own. 

Yes, this was most certainly Detective Upton.

As a child.

"We had a bit of a situation," Jay said as an explanation, before hoisting Hailey into his arms, so that she could see above the desk. "Hailey, this is my friend, Sergeant Platt."

"Hello."

Unexpectedly, Hailey reached across the counter to Platt, who automatically gathered her into her arms despite herself. Jay looked surprised, but quickly schooled his expression. "I have some things I need to take care of. We need to find something to reverse the serum's effects, and there are a lot of angry families, so..."

"Go ahead, detective," Trudy said dismissively, her attention focused on the girl in her arms. "Hailey and I are going to have plenty of fun, aren't we?"

Once Jay headed up the stairs to Intelligence, Trudy turned to little Hailey, who was watching the patrol officers come and go with a look of fascination on her face. "Here's how things run here," Trudy told her seriously. "Whenever someone in blue comes in, you give them a death stare, and I make them feel like idiots. Then we watch them walk out and laugh."

"Why?" Hailey asked, frowning.

"Because it's a rite of passage for every cop that comes through this door."

Including you, Trudy thought, but kept that to herself. "Doesn't that make them sad?" she asked.

"Maybe a little, but they know that it happens to everyone. But we don't do it if they look depressed already. If they do, we say something funny, okay?"

Hailey seemed reassured by that, and nodded. 

"Good. Now here comes Burgess. She's the most fun to make fun of."

* * *

Hours later, Jay returned from the streets to find Hailey and Platt both giving a poor patrol officer the death glare as he filled out paperwork. He couldn't help but laugh at their identical serious expressions, especially since Hailey's was more adorable than threatening. The patrol officer couldn't help but smile, too, when he saw the four-year old's enormous yawn.

"Jay!" Hailey exclaimed, her face brightening when she saw him. 

"Hey, Hails," Jay said, running up to the desk and scooping her up in his arms. "I think it's time for us to head home, don't you?"

"I want to stay with Trudy," she said, crossing her arms. 

"Well, Trudy will be here tomorrow, and you want to be all rested up for that, don't you? Besides, aren't you hungry?" Jay told her. "I have mac & cheese at home that we can eat."

Hailey considered that proposition, her face scrunching as she contemplated her options.

She was adorable, Jay thought. 

Not that she wasn't as a grown-up, either. She was adorable, and funny, and witty, and bright, and beautiful all at the same time. But seeing her as a little kid was a whole different perspective. Now Jay was starting to get to know little Hailey more, understand why domestic abuse cases had such an impact on adult Hailey.

Even as a four-year old, she'd flinched when she thought Kevin was going to hit her, even though he was only going in for a fist bump. 

She was skittish around most men, although she had a strange attachment to Jay that she didn't have for any other members of the unit. She tolerated Adam, but preferred to watch Kevin from a distance after what happened earlier that morning. Voight tried to talk to her once, and her eyes brimmed with tears the entire time, even though she didn't let them fall.

Rojas made Hailey laugh the most, which didn't surprise Jay in the slightest, and Hailey sought comfort in Kim, even though saw the brunette the least.

They'd all debated for a long time over who should take Hailey home. Voight and Kevin were out of the question. Rojas opted out first, as the most inexperienced member of the unit in dealing with children. Kim offered, but said she didn't feel overly confident in her abilities. That left Adam and Jay. 

"I-" Jay had started to say, but he was overlapped by Adam.

"I can take her," he said, but froze when he realized Jay had spoken, too. "No, you're probably best. You're her partner."

And he stepped aside.

"I don't know if us being partners really matters right now, but I want to take her. She seems comfortable with me," Jay had said.

He'd planned on making dinner for Hailey, but by the time they got inside, she was fast asleep in his arms, and he couldn't bring himself to wake her up. So instead, he brought her to his room and set her down on the covers.

Shoot.

He hadn't thought about clothes.

Judging by what she was wearing, whatever they de-aged her with also shrunk her clothes. He recognized every article of clothing she wore, from her dark olive jacket to her black sneakers. 

But he didn't have anything for her to wear to sleep. Nothing he had was going to fit her. He settled on taking her shoes off as gently as he could, pausing every time Hailey stirred in her sleep. He left her jacket on, knowing that she probably wouldn't take it well if he tried to take it off her when she wasn't awake.

He would call Natalie and see if any of Owen's clothes would fit Hailey in the morning. 

For now, he would let her sleep in peace. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> do i smell drama? 
> 
> yes.
> 
> yes i do.

Jay woke up that night to the sound of Hailey screaming.

At first, his brain couldn't process what was happening. For a moment, he forgot that there was someone else staying in his apartment. On top of that, he'd never heard Hailey scream before, even as an adult, even when she was in pain. She was someone who tended to bottle up her feelings, not let them out. 

He catapulted off of his couch and burst into his bedroom, half-prepared to fight off some kind of intruder. He stopped in his tracks when he saw a tiny form curled up underneath his sheets in the corner of his bed, shaking violently.

"Hailey?" he whispered.

She froze at the sound of his voice, swallowing a quiet sob.

"Hailey, it's Jay. You're safe," he said, because he couldn't think of anything else to say. "You're okay."

Her blonde head peeked out from the covers, just enough so she could see him. He gave her the brightest smile he could muster, and stepped cautiously forward, relieved when she didn't hide from him. 

"Can I come over?"

She gave a tiny nod, and he sat down on the edge of the bed. "Where's my momma?" she asked, her voice barely audible. 

Jay's breath caught in his throat. He hadn't thought about that at all- about her family, her brothers, her mother, her father. Everything of course made sense to him, because he knew what was happening, but to little Hailey, her life had just been turned upside down. She didn't know where her family was, or why she was in that house, or why she suddenly had six- no, seven- police officers taking care of her. 

"She's okay, too. We're just going to take care of you for a little bit, because she's very busy, and she doesn't know what's going on, and we don't want to scare her. Is that okay?"

He knew what he was saying was a lie. He could call Hailey's mother- but how could he explain to her that her daughter had been turned into a child by some mad scientist's super-serum? It sounded like something out of a sci-fi novel, not real life. 

He let out a sigh of relief when Hailey seemed to accept that.

"Did you have a bad dream?"

Hailey nodded. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" 

"No."

Jay expected as much. Even adult Hailey hated talking about her past, about the nightmares that plagued her. Even now, almost three years into their partnership, he actually knew very little about Hailey's life before she came to Intelligence. He knew some, but it was nowhere close to the whole story. 

He glanced at the time.

3:00 in the morning.

"Do you want ice cream?"

She brightened a little at that suggestion. "What kind?"

"Chocolate peanut butter. The best kind."

* * *

He dropped Hailey off at Platt's desk the next morning, wearing clothes he'd picked up from Natalie's house- a tiny varsity jacket, a maroon shirt, and a pair of jeans- along with her sneakers from the day before. The desk sergeant seemed excited to see her, far more excited than she'd ever been when Jay walked in the door. Part of him was mildly offended- the other part of him understood completely.

Little Hailey was adorable, and sweet, and funny, and already so much like her adult self that sometimes he had to remind himself that she wasn't, not yet. This Hailey hadn't decided she wanted to be a police officer, or gone undercover with Garrett, or been kidnapped by gun dealers. This Hailey hadn't started the spiral that adult Hailey had only a few weeks prior. For now, she was just a kid. 

Even though he didn't want to start reading into the behaviors little Hailey was exhibiting, he couldn't turn off his detective instincts. 

She already carried far more baggage than Jay ever had when he was this age. She was already skittish around Voight and Kevin, which suggested that even at four years old, she was already being abused by her father. She cried silently, as if she already learned not to make any noise that might escalate a situation, and she woke up screaming in the middle of the night, which was common for children, but Jay suspected that her dreams were also tied to her home environment.

The thought made him so, so angry. 

He wanted to track her father down and tell him to wake up, to pull his mind out of his own ass and look at the beautiful children he was raising, but he knew that he was, in reality, more than twenty years too late. 

"How'd last night go?" Adam asked when Jay emerged from the stairs. 

"Pretty good. She fell asleep almost as soon as we got home, so I tucked her in," Jay said. "She woke up around three, so we had some ice cream."

"Did you give her dinner?" 

Something in Adam's tone made Jay pause in rearranging her desk. "She fell asleep before I could make some," he said, crossing his arms over his chest. "Got a problem?"

"Yeah, I do. You can't just not feed a little kid dinner."

Out of the corner of his eyes, Jay could see Kevin starting to take note of the tension in the room, but his attention was fixed on Ruzek. "I didn't want to wake her up, alright?"

"She probably woke up because she was hungry. If you think that's the way to take care of a kid, then I worry for your future children, if you ever have them-"

"Are you kidding me? Look who's talking! You were about to go to jail just a few months ago, which, last time I checked, is definitely worse than not feeding her mac & cheese at ten o'clock at night, which is when she would probably be asleep anyway-"

"Clearly you don't care about her well-being-"

"She's my partner, of course I care about her, and if you're implying that I don't, we can go outside and you can say it to my face again!"

"What's going on here?" Kim interrupted, shoving her way in between the two of them, who were less than a foot apart now. "You both need to get over yourselves. If Hailey's fine, and happy, then it's all good, alright? Besides, what you do now isn't going to change anything much anyway. Med called last night and said that they're almost to a cure for the de-aging serum thing. We'll have normal Hailey back in no time, and I doubt she'll hold a grudge over mac & cheese."

Jay was fuming. He just wanted to punch Adam's smug face until he stopped smirking like that.

"Don't ever try to pretend that your _fling-"_ he stressed the word as he stared daggers at Adam- "with Hailey means that you have the right to meddle around in our partnership. I don't care if she's been reverted back to a child or if she's an adult. You have _no say_ in it. So stay out. Got it?"

Adam didn't answer. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm so glad you guys are liking this idea! i know it's definitely an AU type situation, but i thought it would be an interesting way to explore the team dynamics from a new perspective. also, picturing little hailey is super cute and if i could draw i would definitely try and draw her.
> 
> unfortunately, my skills are quite limited.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> little hailey is too cute, and adam and jay are very much at odds with one another.

Jay knew Adam was just worried about Hailey. They all were. This wasn't a situation that anyone planned for when they became a cop. No one knew how to act around a little kid, especially a kid who was just a younger version of someone they worked with, someone who ran through bullets with them everyday. It was a strange dynamic. 

Part of Jay still kept seeing Hailey as his partner, his best friend, an equal. But there was a new connection there, one that he wasn't sure how he felt about. As much as he enjoyed working with her, there was something about little Hailey that drew him in, too, in a different way. 

She trusted him wholeheartedly, even as a four-year old. This was a Hailey that hadn't experienced the sting of loss yet, whose innocence hadn't been corrupted by the harsh realities of an abusive home and a male-driven profession. She was still a kid, amazed by the beauty of the world, rather than fighting against the worst of it. 

He wished that he could prevent everything that he knew was coming to her, that he could let her grow up free and unburdened. But that was impossible. 

After the fight with Adam, he went back downstairs, telling himself that it was just to get his mail.

He found Hailey sitting next to Platt at the desk, coloring a picture as the sergeant told off a host of patrol officers. She looked up and brightened when she saw him. She gave him a little wave before going back to her crayons. 

Once the patrol officers dispersed, Jay approached the desk. "I'm here for my mail," he said, and Platt immediately went to retrieve it from the back room. He turned to Hailey then. "What're you coloring?"

"A picture," the little girl answered, quirking her eyebrows at him in a way that most certainly reminded him of an expression he'd seen adult Hailey wear before.

"I know that, but what is it of?" Jay laughed, rolling his eyes. 

"That's you," she said, pointing to one of the stick figures. "And that's Trudy, and that's Adam, and that's Kim, and that's Kevin, and there's me, and that's Vanessa, and that's Voight, and there's Uno."

Her drawings were surprisingly accurate- even more surprising because he'd never seen Hailey draw anything as an adult. Jay could tell who was who mainly by their exaggerated features. Adam had a thick, lumberjack-esque beard, and Trudy had a stern expression on her face and a giant badge on her shoulder, and Kim had a long brown ponytail, and Vanessa wore braids, and Kevin's hand was held out for a fist-bump. 

"That's a good picture," Jay told her. 

"I know."

He almost laughed then at Hailey's self-confidence, before curiosity crept in. "What do you want to be when you grow up, Hailey?" he asked, trying to sound casual. 

A long time ago, Hailey told him that she'd become a cop after a robbery at her father's diner led her to meet Platt. But that was later in her life, far later than the age of four...

"I want to draw," she said, without looking up from the rest of her picture. "Spaceships and aliens, like the ones in the picture books."

Jay smiled a little at that. "Well, I will buy every book that has your name on it," he told her. "You should sign that and give it to Trudy."

"But my daddy says that people don't like to be bothered with pictures," Hailey said, looking at him with huge blue eyes. "He says coloring is for kids, not grown-ups."

And with that, a little more of Hailey's past clicked into place. It explained why adult Hailey never mentioned art to him, or to anyone, to his knowledge. While at the age of four she might have continued to draw without really understanding her father's criticism, as she got older, Jay guessed that his words started to chip away at her passion, and why she turned from wanting to become an artist to wanting to become a police officer.

"Well, kids color more than adults, but I know for sure that Trudy loves art, so I think she'll love your picture," Jay reassured her, swallowing them lump that was forming in his throat. 

Platt returned, and Hailey brandished the paper at her almost immediately. "I made this for you!"

* * *

A few hours later, after Jay's third visit to the downstairs desk, he returned to find Kim on the phone. 

"Great. Thank you. I'll notify the families, get them down to Med as soon as possible. Thank you," she said, and then hung up. "That was Maggie. She says that they've just figured out an antidote for the serum, and that it's ready for the girls. I'm going to call the families, tell them that they can bring the little ones down to the hospital to get treated."

"I'll take Hailey," Jay said immediately. 

"Why don't you help Kim?" Adam interrupted, fixing Jay with a challenging stare. "You haven't exactly been pitching in on this case."

"Do you have a problem with that? I can help Kim and take Hailey down to Med at the same time. Besides, Hailey trusts me the most-"

"Who ever said that was the case?" 

"I'm pretty sure the fact that the fact that I comforted her yesterday when you didn't even try really speaks volumes, _Adam,_ unless you've recently asked her who she likes better-"

"Everybody just calm down," Voight said. "How about this? Kim takes Hailey down, and you both call the other families, that way we don't have whatever's going on between you two happening again."

"I think that's a good idea," Kevin agreed immediately. "She likes Kim, she'll be okay."

There was no discussion after Voight stepped in. Jay knew he was toeing a fine line, but Adam was getting under his nerves. It was like he was trying to start an argument now, even though soon Hailey would be herself again, and there would be nothing to argue about.

Jay turned to the phone on his desk, but continued to watch Kim as she grabbed her jacket and headed downstairs. He couldn't help but wish he'd gotten the chance to say goodbye to kid Hailey, despite the fact that he knew that she didn't really exist in this time. She was an anomaly, a blip in the timeline. And while it had been a strange couple days, Jay was glad it happened, that he had this chance to see what his partner's life was like before.

He understood her a little better now.


	5. Chapter 5

Natalie called Jay about twenty minutes after she left, sounding frazzled. 

"Hey, Jay, I hate to pull you away from the precinct, but we haven't been able to get little Hailey to trust us enough to administer the serum. She's a little distraught, and she's doing that thing where she cries and she doesn't make a sound, and Kim had to fill out paperwork. Seeing her cry is making me feel like a terrible person, so if you could-"

"I'm on my way," Jay said immediately, already halfway down the stairs. 

He arrived at Med a few minutes later to find Hailey sitting in the waiting room, Natalie kneeling beside the little girl as tears poured down her cheeks. "Thank god," Natalie said when she saw Jay. "We've been trying to convince her to come back with us, but she won't let us touch her."

Jay felt the judgement from the other adults in the room, the ones who were there with their kids. He could tell they thought he was a horrible parent, for dropping his kid off at the hospital without supervision, but they knew nothing, and he tried to content himself with that. He squatted down beside Hailey, and she immediately threw her tiny body into his arms.

"It's okay, Hailey, they just want to help," he told her, rubbing her back as he talked. "Can you let Natalie take a look at you?"

He felt Hailey shake her head no. 

"I'll be very gentle," Natalie said. "I just want to make sure you're healthy, and then we'll give you a little medicine, and you'll feel much better."

Jay could tell that Hailey didn't understand at all by the way she was staring at Natalie, with her eyes narrowed and her nose scrunched up. How would she? She didn't feel sick, and no one had even tried to explain to her that she was really a thirty-two year old elite detective. For her, this was the only life she ever knew, and now they were trying to make her do something that made no sense at all.

"I know it's very confusing, but we just need to take a quick look at you, and then you can go home, does that sound okay?" Natalie continued. Hailey looked up at Jay, her eyes wide. 

"It's okay," he said again. "It won't take very long, and then we can go get ice cream. Whatever flavor you want."

Hailey stuck out her hand for him, her face serious, and he shook it even though he knew that she was probably going to hate him later. 

"Now, can you come with me?" Natalie asked. 

"Jay comes too," Hailey demanded, and there was a ring of authority in her voice that was definitely adult Hailey, and so he followed them back to one of the examination rooms, relieved that now the parents couldn't judge him any longer.

* * *

Hailey's tears stayed at bay for all of eleven minutes, as Natalie checked her eyes, her breathing, and her heart rate. As soon as Will came in, holding a needle, she started crying again, shrinking away from him when he sat next to her.

"It's going to be alright, Hailey, all you'll feel is a little pinch," Will tried to reassure her, but Jay could tell that they were starting to reach a tipping point. His suspicions were only confirmed when Will went to disinfect Hailey's arm and she opened her mouth and started bawling.

This time, no matter how much Jay tried to soothe her, she wouldn't stop crying. Eventually, both Will and Natalie left the room, and only then did Hailey's tears stop. "I'm going to go talk to them, okay?" Jay told her, as gently as he could. "It's going to be okay. I promise."

He stepped outside, where his brother was waiting, the serum still in his hand. "Judging by her reaction, I don't think she's going to let me inject her," Will told Jay seriously. "I don't want to push her too much, but we need to get this done today. If you have to bring her in a second time she's not going to even trust you."

Jay groaned, running a hand through his hair. "I don't know how to deal with kids. I don't know what's going to help."

Will was quiet for a moment, staring at his brother. "You're going to have to do it. She does _not_ trust men, at least men who aren't you, and she already is suspicious of Natalie."

"I can't do that to her, man."

"You have to. This isn't a choice."

Jay shook his head. "This is my partner you're talking about. She's not going to trust me after this."

"From what I've seen of the other girls, none of them remember what happened when they were de-aged. Hailey will be the same way. All you have to do is inject it into her upper arm, like where you would administer a flu shot." Will demonstrated the location on Natalie. "She'll be asleep for an hour, and when she wakes up, she'll be an adult again. It's painless, except for the shot."

He held out the needle toward Jay, who reflexively stepped back. He hated needles, and hospitals. "Will-"

"Jay. Come on. It's just one shot, and you're not even getting it this time."

* * *

A minute later, Jay stepped back inside the room, taking in the sight of little Hailey sitting on the examination table, staring at her hands. She looked up when the door opened and seemed to perk up a little bit when she saw him, which only made him feel worse about what he was about to do.

"They're not coming back in," he told her, leaning against the table next to her. "It's just you and me, okay?"

"Okay," Hailey said, nodding.

"You know, I hate hospitals. I don't like doctors, but my brother is one," Jay said. "I want to be here just as much as you do- which is not at all. What do you say about getting out of here soon?"

"Yeah."

"When all this is over, we can go out for ice cream, cause I promised."

Hailey nodded again. 

"Did you know it's a rule to hug before you leave a hospital?" he said after taking a long time to gather up his courage. "They say it has healing powers."

"Really?"

She seemed skeptical, and he didn't blame her. He wouldn't believe it either, even as a four-year old. She was young, not stupid. But he continued anyway. 

"Really. I know it makes me feel better, whenever I'm in a hospital." He was lying through his teeth now, but he didn't know how else to do this, and he really didn't want to be doing this anyway, but he knew he had to. "And I could really use some cheering up now. How about a Hailey-hug?"

She tilted her head at him, considering it. "Ice cream with whipped cream _and_ sprinkles," she said finally. 

"Deal."

And then she climbed into his arms, throwing her arms around his neck, burying her face in his shoulder. 

He let himself enjoy the moment for just a second before he slowly drew the serum out of his pocket and stuck the needle in her arm, feeling like the worst person in the world as she registered his betrayal. She looked at him, their faces just a few inches apart, and he could see the hurt in her clear eyes, and her lip started to tremble.

"I'm sorry, Hailey, I'm sorry," he said, over and over again, wrapping his arms around her tighter even though she stiffened in his arms. "I'm sorry."

He kept apologizing until he felt her go limp, and then he laid her tiny form down on the table and left, trying not to cry himself as Will and Natalie ducked back into the room. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> hailey returns.

Hailey had to admit that the past two-ish days had been one of the most strange experiences of her life. In one moment, she was standing in the basement of a dank old house, facing down one of the nastiest human beings she'd ever met, and in the next, she was in the hospital, waking up in clothes that definitely weren't hers, with Will Halstead sitting across from her.

He'd explained that she had been injected with a de-aging serum, concocted by people who intended to start a child trafficking ring, and that the clothes she was wearing were Natalie's son's. She stopped trying to keep up when he tried to explain why the clothes grew with her, and instead tried to make sense of what just happened to her.

She didn't remember what the de-aging felt like, even though he asked. He also asked her if she remembered anything that happened when she was a four-year old.

Hailey tried to think back, but it was mostly a blur. There were flashes, memories that she could almost reach out and grasp, but they slipped through her mind before she could catch them. So she shook her head.

Will gave her a quick examination before letting her go, advising her not to drive herself for a few days, since her balance was probably going to be thrown off. She headed back to the waiting room, shivering a little without a sweatshirt, because getting a shot meant that you couldn't wear sleeves. She never _hated_ hospitals before, but she did hate being cold. She was beginning to understand why Jay detested them. 

Kim arrived a minute later. 

"Welcome back, Hail," Kim said with a smile, handing over her phone and a jacket that Hailey vaguely recognized but couldn't quite place. She had to roll up the sleeves, but it was warm, and that made her feel a little better.

"Thanks," she said, still a little bewildered, shaking her head. "I don't know what to think about all of this. Please tell me I didn't do anything stupid."

"On the contrary, you were quite cute as a little kid. Almost angelic, really. You certainly got the guys falling all over themselves to make you happy."

"What do you mean?"

"They were so determined to be good caretakers," Kim laughed. "But it was getting to be a bit much, so I'm glad that you're back, and that we can return to our normal lives instead of weird parents. I'm almost positive that the other adults in the waiting room thought Jay was your dad-"

"Ugh, please, stop right there," Hailey groaned. "I never want to hear those words come out of your mouth again."

"I'm surprised he's not with you. He had to come down and get you to cooperate with Will and Natalie. You did _not_ trust them at all."

Hailey ran a hand through her ponytail. "Jesus Christ," she muttered. "This is humiliating."

"Don't be embarrassed, it's not like it was your fault. And there's no harm done... not really."

There was a catch in Kim's voice, which Hailey noticed, but she was more preoccupied with the fact that she had been turned into a four year old and didn't remember a moment of it, along with the fact that the jacket she was wearing was _Jay's,_ and it smelled like him, like coffee and laundry detergent. The second thought was more distracting than the first, but she couldn't help but relax just a little more as she buried her face in the sleeves.

She debated the entire drive to her apartment whether or not to text him. What was she supposed to say? 'Thanks for taking care of me when I was a four-year old?' That wasn't a sentence she ever thought she'd think, let alone text. 

Eventually, she decided on something less awkward.

_thanks for the jacket.  
\- h_

He didn't answer her.

* * *

Jay wrestled with texting Hailey back for the entire rest of the day.

He still felt horrible about betraying little Hailey. He kept seeing her face when she realized what he'd done, kept picturing the way her eyes filled with huge tears when she looked up at him. 

He hated himself for that. She was his partner- he was supposed to have her back, not stab her in the back when she depended on him. Logically, he knew that he'd done it to help her, and that it was necessary for him to inject her because she wasn't going to understand, not as a four-year old. He hated that he violated her trust, even though she didn't remember it.

If there was anything that this experience taught him, it was that Hailey Upton's trust did not come easily. 

And there was a part of him that worried that she _did_ remember what he'd done.

The thought kept eating at Jay until he could finally clock off. 

Ten minutes later, resignedly knocked on the door of her apartment, knowing that he wouldn't be able to sleep until he saw her with his own eyes, and knew that she was okay, that she was safe and healthy. 

His breath caught in his throat when she opened the door. She looked a little disheveled. Her baby hairs starting to come out from her ponytail, and she was still wearing his jacket, which was too big for her. But she was still beautiful as ever- to him, at least.

"Jay," she said, surprise coloring her tone, even as she opened the door farther for him. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he said as he walked inside. "I wanted to see how you were."

"I'm okay. A little disoriented, a little dizzy, but good."

"Is that normal?" he asked worriedly.

"Will said my balance might be thrown off for a few days, so I'm not too worried. I feel fine otherwise," Hailey said with a shrug, sitting down at the kitchen island. Jay set the bag he'd brought down on the counter, noticing her confused head tilt.

 _Little Hailey did that,_ he found himself thinking, but he willed that thought away. This was adult Hailey, his Hailey, not whatever weird anomaly kid Hailey had been. "This is for you," he told her, pulling out a carton of ice cream, a can of whipped cream, and a container of rainbow sprinkles.

"What for?" 

"Well... I made a promise to you today that I intend to keep. Cooperate with Natalie and Will, and we'd get ice cream. I figured you wouldn't want to necessarily go out tonight, so, I brought it to you."

"If it's too weird, or cheesy, I can leave, I know this must be unsettling for you," he added when she didn't respond. He started to gather the sundae supplies up again, but she stopped him with a hand on his arm.

"Don't go, I'm just slow to process everything," she said, laughing slightly. "It's not everyday that I wake up to find out that I've been a child the past few days."

"Trust me, it was hard to wrap my mind around interacting with you, too," Jay told her, as he dug around the cupboards for bowls. "But it wasn't bad. At first I didn't even recognize you, though- you've never shown me baby pictures before."

"Maybe you should return the favor," Hailey said, her eyes sparkling. "It's the least you could do."

Jay pretended to object, but he opened the photo app and scrolled through to his baby photos he had saved; he slid his phone across the counter to her once he found them. He looked up from scooping the ice cream now and then to see what her reaction was. She smiled the entire time before she looked up and caught him staring at her. 

"These are sweet."

"Thanks, I'm glad at least someone likes them. My brother loves to tease me about them."

"I'm not surprised."

He handed her a massive bowl of ice cream before pushing the whipped cream can and sprinkles in her direction. "As promised, ice cream with whipped cream and sprinkles," he said, grinning widely at her. 

After they both put an appropriate amount of toppings on their ice cream, they ate in silence. It wasn't an awkward silence, necessarily, but Jay didn't really know what to say, and neither did Hailey. They still enjoyed each other's company, but now there was an extra layer between them, one that hadn't been there before. 

"Why didn't you become an artist?" he blurted out almost ten minutes later, unable to stand the silence anymore.

She almost choked on the bite of ice cream she just put into her mouth. "What?"

Jay almost chickened out right there and then, but that question had been burning in the back of his mind ever since he'd sat with little Hailey at Platt's desk. "Why don't you draw anymore?" he asked, gentler this time. 

Hailey turned her head away from him for a moment, seeming to steel herself before looking back at Jay. "How do you know about that?" she managed to get out. Her voice sounded strangled.

"You told me yesterday."

Her shoulders slumped a little as she absentmindedly started poking at her ice cream. "Of course," she said bitterly.

"I didn't mean to upset you," he said, reaching out to comfort her, but she straightened again, pulling away.

"It doesn't upset me, not anymore," she said. "I wanted to be an illustrator until I was twelve. My mother thought it was a great idea. My brothers liked to tease me for it, but they kept every picture I made for them. But my dad... it was just another reason for him to get angry. He would say that it wasn't a real profession, that it didn't contribute to society, that I wouldn't ever make any money."

"Nothing serious happened for a long time, which is why I kept drawing. But one day he just... snapped. I don't remember why, I just remember that he was so, so angry at me, and he went into my room and my brother's room and took all of the pictures I'd ever drawn and put them through the paper shredder. And then he took a hammer to all of my art supplies."

"Hailey-"

"I would spend hours sitting outside sketching, or climbing around town looking for places to draw. I know it doesn't really seem like me, but... it was important. Mostly because it was something I could control, something that I could erase and correct. It kept me sane for a long time. But I couldn't love it anymore after what my dad did. Now, looking back, all it brought me was pain and rejection."

"That's not true. It brought you to me, didn't it? If you'd become an artist we never would have been partners," Jay said immediately. 

"I just wish things hadn't gone the way they had, you know?"

He could hear the weight behind her words, and he knew that she was talking about more than art, but also her relationship with her father. 

She gave a sad little shrug. "But there's nothing I can do about it, and I know that. I just can't help but wonder sometimes if me giving up art is just another instance that shows how weak I was."

"You're crying," he realized suddenly, and she was. The tears were dripping down her cheeks, nearly invisible, but there. He stepped around the counter and went to her side, taking her hands in his. "Listen, Hails, I know I don't know everything about what your childhood was like, but if there's anything I learned from hanging out with little you, it's that you're strong, and capable, and smart, and witty. Don't ever doubt yourself or what you can do."

"You're just saying that to make me feel better," she said. 

"I'm not. I'm saying it because I believe it, and you needed to hear it. Okay?"

Eventually she nodded.

"Good. Now that I've already upset you, it's probably best that I also tell you that Adam and I had a bit of a falling out, and it may or may not have been over you."

Hailey sighed. "Boys and their emotions," she grumbled, but she was smiling a little as she said it.

"Excuse me, but you would _not_ have gotten this ice cream if I had no emotion."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> that's 2/2 upstead stories i've ended at the kitchen counter with food... i don't know how i feel about that... i was going to make them kiss but then this would have been REALLY similar to 'in too deep'. 
> 
> i had fun with this one! i'll be posting a new story soon. till then, stay safe, stay healthy, and eat lots of desserts.


End file.
